Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's never too late to be topless.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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