Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
