Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
