I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
