Sponge bath it is.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
