are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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