Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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