I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
