he thought i was a dude.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
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She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We had to coat check the pizza.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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