I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
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I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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