turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
soo... how was my night?
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