remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
