i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
