i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
