Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
