she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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