I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
