You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
