accomplished twins. life is a go
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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