Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize