What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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