were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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