I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
