she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
