Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
