you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
