hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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