Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
