I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
