im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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