After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
