you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
