how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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