Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
