Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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