Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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