it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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