Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
