If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
