The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
