Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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