i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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