piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
