did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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