It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
