what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We need a shit load of segways right now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
