College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
