Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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