I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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