I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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