"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Enjoy the penises
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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