so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
