remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
