where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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