dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
