I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
