and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
