Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
