If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We just shotgunned beers for America
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
