I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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