i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize