Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
