I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize