i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
