it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
