My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just found a bag of teeth...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
