Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
