sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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