did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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