My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I am available for nakedness
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
