3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
